i don’t know if anyone reads my blog anymore.
i never really understood anxiety until i got it bad over a month ago. it started to get better and i was almost feeling normal.. well as normal as i ever was. and now it’s happening all over again.
it’s honestly the worst ever because i feel so depressed too.
i can’t explain it. i’ve NEVER had troubles sleeping before. i was always the first asleep.
and now i stay up worrying.. about my family.. people i care about.. myself. all i think about is how sad the world is and how i want the best for everyone.
it’s so shitty when you try to sleep but all you can do is watch the hours pass on your moms digital clock.
i have no appitite and the thought of any food repulses me. even though i know i’m super hungry.
i am so unmotivated though. i can’t focus on anything and i never do what is good for me. i think i might be scared to fail.. or maybe i’m just lazy and underachieving. it sucks because i know i have to change this if i want to feel better and less depressed.
i don’t want to get out of bed but i know it’s not healthy and i have to get up.
i know i have to force myself to eat.
i have to clean my room even though it seems impossible to bring myself to do it.
i have to call my hairdresser
i have to call the gym
i have to call my therapist
i have to be social and not isolate myself.
i have to force myself to do these things because in the end maybe i’ll be happy again.
honestly all i want is to be happy.
i’ll even settle with content.
i know i have to do it for myself but sometimes it’s really hard. but life is hard.. and that’s just how it is i just wish happiness came easy to me. i wish it wasn’t always a constant struggle to attain.
