i’ve got some issues that nobody can see and all of these emotions are pouring out of me
lately i’ve been feeling pretty shitty. no one really knows because i’ve almost stopped blogging and tweeting all together. i don’t tell many people because it’s just not worth it to me. i don’t know who my friends are because well, some talk behind my back, tell my secrets, some just don’t care, others i just never get to see.. so i don’t know. i know paul, jacqueline and megan are all true friends. but 2 of them i hardly see outside of school. i don’t know who i will talk to next year. i don’t know anything. i sometimes feel really trapped between… being sad and being sad. i want so many things. i want to work out and to be skinny.. but i have no will power. i want to try hard in school, but it’s all boring to me. i want to keep the house clean but i never have the time. i want to be a good girlfriend but i can never seem to be. i want to be positive and happy but it’s just so much easier to be sad. especially when all i ever get is negativity. i just need someone to be happy. but happy people don’t want to hang out with someone as sad as me.
sometimes i wish i could just focus on myself.. make myself happy. but i never can because i’m too busy focusing on how i’m making you sad. it hurts me when you’re sad and just sets the entire mood. i honestly don’t expect anyone to make me happy besides myself. i don’t know… you know the saying.. before you can love someone else you have to love yourself? it is sooooooo fucking true. never heard anything that made more sense. i think it could be easy to be happy with myself but then i’d feel selfish.
kinda sucks.
